Fictional short story
As I said, I loved the contest. And I agree it is best to surprise your audience with a story that doesn't talk about health, but to deliver the message in a subtle way while keeping them engaged and entertained by the fictional story. I hope you like it! Any feedback is greatly appreciated.
Offentlig Præciserings Opslagstavle
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Konkurrenceafholder - 5 år siden
By the way I will have another contest with a different end goal but very similar to this one if any of you wish to enter in that one. It will be ghost written book, the details of which I will lay out after and NDA is signed. Feel free to join that contest once posted.
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Konkurrenceafholder - 5 år siden
Hi Freelancers, it took me some time to figure out which way I wanted to go here. The stories left we're spectacular. The decision was difficult to say the least. I wish in some way I could use them all. I would say this, I wouldn't get rid of them because you just never know what that might turn into. Thank you all and congratulations to Lorenza.
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whetstoneedits
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Congratulations.
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lorenseldner
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Thank you! :)
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lorenseldner
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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tCv9dbOS4gaUq_QEfc2F3f3FQdWW7QnrhiVspRzK8es/edit Here it is!
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Konkurrenceafholder - 5 år siden
Please grant access to mark@therunmc.com
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lorenseldner
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were you able to see it?
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Konkurrenceafholder - 5 år siden
Oh I have a way you can do it. Add the revised version to a dropbox or something like that and just put the link in here.
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Konkurrenceafholder - 5 år siden
Hi Lorenza! okay so it's not allowing you to resubmit?
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lorenseldner
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Hello, just wondering if you saw my comment before. Since the contest is over, we are not allowed to submit new proposals. Can you kindly send me a private message so I can send you the documents? thank you!
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lorenseldner
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Hello! I have a revised version. To be honest I only made a few tweaks, I love it the way it is. Unless you want something specific to be changed, in which case I'm super happy to do it. I also prepared a small synopsis, I truly believe this is a story the readers will enjoy and they will be kept in suspense as well. Can you kindly send me a PM, so I can upload the document, since the contest is closed we are not allowed to post more entries. Thank you! and look forward to work with you.
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lorenseldner
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Hello! Thanks for the feedback and the opportunity to improve my proposal. You should have both (the revised draft and the synopsis) in a few hours. Very excited to present my overall idea to you. Thanks!
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Konkurrenceafholder - 5 år siden
Lastly for those who are in the final running, that's you, I am asking for a summary synopsis of where you are taking the story. This is irrespective of the fact that you don't know what underlying principle I will impress upon the story for each chapter going forward. So if you could provide that as well with your changes for my consideration I would appreciate that.
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Konkurrenceafholder - 5 år siden
Hi Lorenza! As I narrow down these stories I am getting closer to choosing one. The good news is yours, is still my leading choice. The bad news is there are two others that could easily get that five stars once they make corrections. I wanted to afford you the same opportunity. I'm seeing most people get in trouble when they describe things, and I am very picky about eloquence when I write for reading consumption. To that point I'd like you to rewrite some of your paragraphs. s
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Konkurrenceafholder - 5 år siden
Rewrite it as if what you wrote already is really really really good first draft but not the final. Give me the final.
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lorenseldner
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There's nothing wrong with being picky. If a story moves you that's all that matters. No right or wrong like you said :)
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lorenseldner
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I'm super glad you liked it! I have many ideas for the following chapters.
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Konkurrenceafholder - 5 år siden
Which I am glad to hear because part of the contest is ME believing that the story can be continued. There needs to be substance to the plot. When I reread this I will give my opinion on what I believe needs a tweak. The problem is the best I can do is be opinionated on this, there is no right or wrong, just what I think I need. Considering the first read I saw nothing that immediately jumped out at me and for me that is a very encouraging sign. I'm picky.
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Konkurrenceafholder - 5 år siden
Perfect! I love it. After the first read I have nothing to add. Let me re-read it a couple of times and I'll have more feedback.
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