Here's a song that you can treat as an example of my work. To the tune of 'Your Baby Has Gone Down The Plug-hole:'
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A hedgehog may seem a formidable beast
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With prickles and claws and with razor sharp teeth,
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A charging rhinoceros just makes it laugh,
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It curls up in a ball and then bites it in half.
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You'd never guess hedgehogs had any weak link
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Which just goes to show you how wrong you can think,
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For science professors and those of that ilk
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Say a hedgehog will die if it ever drinks milk.
</p><p>
So
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Don't put out milk for a hedgehog,
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Don't put out yoghourt or cream.
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If a hedgehog just touches the fruit of the cow
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It will die with an agonised scream.
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Please
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Don't put out milk for a hedgehog,
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You ought to think carefully first.
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It doesn't want guts-ache or pains in the chest,
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It'd much rather die of thirst.
</p><p>
A hedgehog eats meat and potatoes,
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A hedgehog eats sausage and stew.
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If you give it a quiche or a nice piece of fish,
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It will soon be as healthy as you.
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A hedgehog loves Bovril and Marmite,
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A hedgehog loves honey and jam,
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Some toast and a scone and a big juicy bone
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And several kilos of spam.
</p><p>
But
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Don't put out milk for a hedgehog,
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Don't put out butter or cheese.
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It will splutter and cough and its spines will fall off,
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And then it's quite likely to freeze.
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Please keep all your milk in the kitchen,
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To share with...